My Immortal
by Skyler McAndrews
Summary: A young women ponders her relationship with Damon Salvatore, trying to figure out how things got so complicated. COMPLETED
1. My Immortal

So I enjoy mushy stories. I realize it has probably been done. But I was rereading the VD books and listening to Evanescence at the same time, so here it is. Let me know what you think please!

_I'm so tired of being here  
suppressed by all of my childish fears  
and if you have to leave  
I wish that you would just leave  
because your presence still lingers here  
and it won't leave me alone._

I was in the park, again. I just needed to get out and breathe, to get away, from _him._ I walked along the frozen path and cursed myself for breaking my promise, to him, to myself.

_'I'll stay on one condition… no falling in love'_

_'Not a chance of that, Salvatore.'_

But even as I said it, I could almost feel it, a warning; I ignored it. I didn't want to think about the possibility of falling in love with that incredibly beautiful, incredibly dangerous man. I went and did it anyway. I let him into my life and eventually my heart, and what is worse, I think he knows.

  
  
_These wounds won't seem to heal,  
This pain is just too real,  
There's just too much that time cannot erase. _

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
I've held your hand through all of these years,  
but you still have all of me._

Running away doesn't help me; he can find me, anywhere. I saved him once, I gave him my blood, and now he is a part of me. I know so much about him. All those nights that we spent in front of the fire talking, the long walks through this very park. I can see him now, his dark hair, always tousled, always making me long to run my fingers through it. And his eyes, those dark mysterious eyes that captivate me, even now.

  
_You used to captivate me,  
By your resonating light  
But now I'm bound by the life you left behind  
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams  
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me._

"What's wrong?" I shivered in the cold and shook my head,

"Nothing, Damon. I am just cold." He wrapped an arm around me and walked me toward our… my apartment. I just savored the feeling of him standing next to me, very rarely does he ever just hold me like this. It is almost like he knows what I am thinking, but my shields are very firmly in place.

  
_These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase.  
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears,  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears,  
and I've held your hand through all of these years,  
But you still have all of me._

I don't know what to do anymore. He's going to leave soon. I don't think he knows yet, but he will, I can tell. I keep trying to explain to myself that it will be better if he leaves. I can get on with my life… my mortal life, alone. But the thought of him leaving threatens to bring tears to my eyes. I am struggling to keep the shields firmly up in my mind. I can feel him waiting for the moment I slip and let him in. But I can't let him in, not this time. He can't… won't make this better.

  
  
_I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
and though you're still with me  
I've been alone all along._

I woke up this morning alone. It was the first time in a while, for a moment I thought that he was gone, but then I heard his voice from the living room. He was on the phone, with Stefan I guess, his brother. Stefan thinks that Damon is just going to hurt me, but he doesn't know his brother. Elena does, Stefan's wife. I think that Elena understands, she doesn't say anything.

I lay in bed realizing that I am alone, regardless of how long he stays, I am alone. I will grow old and die, and no one will be waiting for me on the other side. No matter how much I love him, he is beyond my reach. Damon, a fallen angel waiting for the end of time, more alone than I will ever be… my immortal.

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
and I've held your hand through all of these years  
but you still have all of me_


	2. Goodnight

AN: I guess this isn't a 'story' per say, just a couple of, sometimes short, vignettes using lyrics from Evanescence. Let me know what you think, and if I should keep going.

I am so tired, but he is still here. I have made a habit of walking by myself through the park. I don't know why, but truly being alone for that time somehow makes me feel better. I'd like to think that that means that I don't love him anymore, but that is a lie. I can still feel that dull ache in my heart every time he walks out the door and the panic that one day he isn't going to come back.

I know that he waits for me at the end, but he still does not intrude on my time, and I appreciate it. My walks give me time to relax my shields and let my emotions out. I don't have to worry about what thoughts Damon might accidentally 'hear'. Usually, after my evening walk, I can keep a hold on my emotions, but tonight something inside me broke. I don't know what it was, or why it happened. We were sitting in front of the fire, like usual, and I yawned…

_"You should probably go to bed, you have to work tomorrow."_

_I shrugged,_

_ "It doesn't matter."_

_He shook his head at me,_

_ "Goodnight, bella."_

For some reason I just started to cry. I know that Damon was surprised, I felt his questions as his mind brushed mine for a brief moment. He didn't say anything. It felt like he was warning me by saying nothing that I was right to be worried. I knew then, he was going to leave me, soon.

But not tonight. He dried my tears and pulled me onto his lap. I wasn't going to waste what little time I had left. Life was too short, well, my life anyway. So, I took advantage of this and snuggled closer. Damon didn't try to send me to bed again. I think that the phone rang at one point in time, the answering machine picked up. I didn't really pay attention to who it was on the phone; that didn't seem important to me at that moment. Damon and I watched the fire burn. The flames danced and leapt causing the shadows to perform intricate dances across the gleaming hardwood floor. He held me as I slowly drifted off to sleep…

  
_Goodnight, sleep tight  
No more tears  
In the morning I'll be here  
And when we say goodnight,  
Dry your eyes  
Because we said goodnight,  
And not goodbye  
We said goodnight  
And not goodbye._


	3. Forgive Me

AN- Damon's point of view this time around, so please review.

_Can you forgive me again?  
I don't know what I said  
But I didn't mean to hurt you_

"I am not going to be around forever, so just let it lie!"

Damn it! I knew that I was going to hurt her again. Maybe Stefan is right this time, I should just leave. I know that I am going to leave, and so does she, but I don't need to remind her every chance that I get. I can see the tears threatening to fall, but she holds them back, again. It is my fault.

  
_I heard the words come out  
I felt that I would die  
It hurt so much to hurt you_

How am I supposed to walk away from her now? I guess that it would be easier if I left. She would find someone else, someone who deserves her, and would treat her like the treasure she is, not someone like me… a monster. I kill, and I don't apologize for it, it's just the way that I am. Maybe…if I was more like Stefan I could stay. He would never treat her like this, hurting her all the time.

  
_Then you look at me  
You're not shouting anymore  
You're silently broken  
  
_

"Don't look at me that way, angel. We both know that it is going to happen sooner or later."

But, even as I say it, I know that it is a lie. I just can't leave her now, not like this, not broken like this. She is so damn strong. I've seen her stand up to men twice her size while she is working. She doesn't know I am there, but she is a social worker, and she meets all kind of scum, and I…well… I just can't bear the thought of something happening to her. I'd do anything to keep her from crying. Ironic, I'm the only one who can make her cry.

_  
I'd give anything now  
to kill those words for you_

_Each time I say something I regret I cry "I don't want to lose you."  
But somehow I know that you will never leave me._

_'Cause you were made for me_

"What do you want from me, Damon?" she whispers sitting at the kitchen table, "What more can I possibly give you?"

"Let it lie."

She shakes her head a single tear running down her cheek,

"I always let it 'lie', Damon. I think you should try it now. I don't want to fight with you, I don't…"

I can't tell her that I'm sorry. I am not sorry; I don't want her to get hurt,

"I don't want to lose you."

You just look at me with those knowing blue eyes. We both know that you aren't going to leave me. I'm sure that Stefan would be surprised that I care this much.

_Somehow I'll make you see  
How happy you make me_

_I can't live this life  
Without you by my side  
I need you to survive_

I have to do something to take that look off of her face. I don't know what else to do, I pick her up and carry her to the bedroom. This won't take away the pain, but it will distract us, for the moment. I don't know what else to do, so I kiss her, and I hold her, and make her remember. I remind how good we are together, because secretly I know that she will survive without me, but I'm not sure I can survive without her anymore._  
  
So stay with me  
You look in my eyes and I'm screaming inside that I'm sorry.  
And you forgive me again  
  
_

So as I wait above her I beg her, with my eyes, to know how sorry I am, and to take me back. I am so afraid… I don't know what to do if she sends me away. Her beautiful blue eyes shimmer with tears, but she smiles, and takes me back, again.

_You're my one true friend  
And I never meant to hurt you___


	4. October

AN- Wow, I am on a roll here, back to our nameless girl's point of view. Anybody have suggestions as to a name for her? I feel like a broken record: please review.  
  
_I can't run anymore, I fall before you,  
Here I am, I have nothing left,  
Though I've tried to forget, You're all that I am,  
Take me home, I'm through fighting it,  
Broken, Lifeless, I give up,  
You're my only strength, Without you,  
I can't go on, Anymore, Ever again.  
  
_

I tried to leave Damon. I honestly thought I could do it, spend some time at my parents' camp, gain some perspective, and then be one my way. I was very wrong. I couldn't stay away for more than a day. He was leaving when I got back. I felt like such a whiny girl; those defenseless, 'I need my man' girls. I was _never_ like that, I didn't need anyone; it was nice to have someone, but I wasn't depending on anyone but myself. I realized too late how defenseless I am around him. I have now broken the only two rules that were laid in place: one, don't fall in love and two, don't depend on him. What happened to me?

_My only hope,  
(All the times I've tried)  
My only peace,  
(To walk away from you)  
My only joy,  
My only strength,  
(I fall into your abounding grace)  
My only power,  
My only life,  
(And love is where I am)  
My only love._

I thought that love was supposed to be easy. Isn't it something that people 'fall' into? So, why does it hurt so damn much to love someone? I am tired of dreading the day I open the door and he is gone, but I can't deny that I love him. I do love him, with all of my heart. Yet, I feel as if my heart is already broken. How does that work? I am tired and confused. I begged… I begged him not to leave me, and he stayed, and I cried myself to sleep in his arms. I woke up in bed and nearly panicked until I felt his body next to mine. I am in way over my head.

  
_I can't run anymore, I give myself to you,  
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, In all my bitterness, I ignored,  
All that's real and true, All I need is you,  
When night falls on me, I'll not close my eyes,  
I'm too alive, And you're too strong,  
I can't lie anymore, I fall down before you,  
I'm sorry, I'm sorry._

I don't know what to do anymore. I feel so alone. Damon is with me, and holding me. He isn't trying to distract me, he is just holding me. I wish I knew what he was thinking right now. Although, I am afraid to know how desperate he thinks that I am. I just want to curl up and cry, but I can't cry anymore. I don't have any tears left to cry…_  
_  
_My only hope,  
(All the times I've tried)  
My only peace,  
(To walk away from you)  
My only joy,  
My only strength,  
(I fall into your abounding grace)  
My only power,  
My only life,  
(And love is where I am)  
My only love_

_Constantly ignoring,   
The pain consuming me,  
But this time it's cut too deep,  
I'll never stray again._

"What happened to make you come back?" he asks.

How am I supposed to answer a question I don't know the answer to yet?

"I didn't really want you to leave." (What I mean is that I love you)

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." (Not really, but do I have a choice?)

I am not going to run anymore. I can't, I know what Damon is now. He is my everything, my love. I can't run from him anymore. I've realized that I will just end up running toward him. Oddly, I'm not afraid anymore, not really. I guess once you've accepted something, it gets easier to deal with. Well, I hope so anyway.

  
  
_My only hope,  
(All the times I've tried)  
My only peace,  
(To walk away from you)  
My only joy,  
My only strength,  
(I fall into your abounding grace)  
My only power,  
My only life,  
(And love is where I am)  
My only love,  
My only hope,  
(All the times I've tried)  
My only peace,  
(To walk away from you)  
My only joy,  
My only strength,  
(I fall into your abounding grace)  
My only power,  
My only life,  
(And love is where I am)  
My only love._


	5. Anywhere

AN- Here we are again, Damon's point of view again. Please review. I really am enjoying writing these.

__

Dear my love, haven't you wanted to be with me  
And dear my love, haven't you longed to be free  
I can't keep pretending that I don't even know you  
And at sweet night, you are my own  
Take my hand

I watch her walk home from work, alone. She doesn't seem to have anyone else. I suppose that is my fault. I should take her away from here, somewhere else; somewhere faraway where I can show her everything that I can't say. In all honesty I should just leave, it is the easiest solution.

_We're leaving here tonight  
There's no need to tell anyone  
They'd only hold us down  
So by the morning light  
We'll be half way to anywhere  
Where love is more than just your name_

I can't leave her, not yet. So we leave, I have more than enough money to take her anywhere she wants to go, she wants to go to Florence. Ironic isn't it? The one place I would rather not go is the one place that she really wants to go. But we leave, and for a while it is perfect. Just the two of us wandering the streets of Florence.

_I have dreamt of a place for you and I  
No one knows who we are there  
All I want is to give my life only to you  
I've dreamt so long I cannot dream anymore  
Let's run away, I'll take you there_

She loves it here, and I had forgotten what it was like to be here.. home. I had forgotten what it was like to have a home. I don't have to worry about some crazed teenage thinking that they are the "Chosen One" out to destroy all vampires. Although, last night something put me on edge, I couldn't shake the feeling that I was being followed. She didn't let get "grumpy", though, she made faces at me until I let it go. I love the way she makes me laugh…

_We're leaving here tonight  
There's no need to tell anyone  
They'd only hold us down  
So by the mornings light  
We'll be half way to anywhere  
Where no one needs a reason_

How do you ask someone to essentially die? She would be leaving her entire life behind her. Would she do it? Would she come with me?

__

Forget this life  
Come with me  
Don't look back you're safe now  
Unlock your heart  
Drop your guard  
No one's left to stop you

I never thought I would ever want to turn anyone. I wanted Elena because Stefan did, it was more of a competition. But, I could spend all of eternity with here, with _her_. It is an intimidating thought, giving someone my heart.

__

Forget this life  
Come with me  
Don't look back you're safe now  
Unlock your heart  
Drop your guard  
No one's left to stop you now

Although, now that I think about it, she already has my heart. Maybe I could ask her to come with  
me… to let me change her. I could have her forever. I could keep my angel with me for always. I think I'll ask her tonight…

__

We're leaving here tonight  
There's no need to tell anyone  
They'd only hold us down  
So by the morning light  
We'll be half way to anywhere  
Where love is more than just your name

We could be together… _Erin_, my peace…


	6. Breathe No More

AN- This is our newly-named heroine's point of view. I named her Erin, which means peace in Gaelic. I thought it would be fitting for Damon to find his own 'peace'.

I've been looking in the mirror for so long.  
That I've come to believe my soul's on the other side.  
All the little pieces falling, shatter.

I can't feel my wrists anymore. It is dark in this room, where ever I am… I was walking along the waterways. Damon was talking with his brother, not arguing but talking. I was so happy, and the night was so beautiful that I decided to walk. I told Elena where I was going. I never saw him coming. Whoever he is… I felt someone following me, and I tried to go home, but he grabbed me just as I turned the corner. I cried out for Damon, but my captor put a chemical soaked cloth over my mouth. The last thing I heard was Damon calling my name.

_Shards of me,  
To sharp to put back together.  
To small to matter,  
But big enough to cut me into so many little pieces.  
If I try to touch her,  
And I bleed,  
I bleed,  
And I breathe,  
I breathe no more._

I keep getting things confused in my head. This man, Francesco, says that he is my fiancee. But, it doesn't seem right to me. My head hurts everytime I try to remember. He took my blood last night, I think… Everything seems a little hazy to me. I dreamed about a man with dark eyes. His eyes were so black that I could see the stars in his eyes. But, his eyes were so sad. I woke up crying because I wanted to take the sadness away. Somehow I know that the sadness was for me. I wish I could remember…

_Take a breath and I try to draw from my spirits well.  
Yet again you refuse to drink like a stubborn child.  
Lie to me,  
Convince me that I've been sick forever.  
And all of this,  
Will make sense when I get better.  
But I know the difference,  
Between myself and my reflection.  
I just can't help but to wonder,  
Which of us do you love._  
_So I bleed,  
I bleed,  
And I breathe,  
I breathe no..._

Francesco tells me that I have been sick. He says that Damon, Damon Salvatore kidnapped me, and made me sick. Damon… that name sounds so familiar. I get up to look out the window, to try and clear my head. Francesco came to move me away from the window, but I see him… _Damon_. His eyes are black, but there are no stars in them now. He looks at me and I can feel the fog washing away from my mind. I know  
him. I _know_ him! I turn to Francesco to try and leave, but he smiles an evil smile.

He says that Damon doesn't deserve to be happy. He grabs me and I see his teeth lengthen before he plunges them into my neck. I have never felt so much pain in my life. I cry out and my knees give out as we sink to the floor. I can feel myself falling… falling… Suddenly, Francesco is thrown away from me. I hear shouts, I think that Stefan is here… Everything is fading to white. But I can see him now, Damon, my Damon… He is crying, and I try to reassure him that I am okay, that I have no regrets… but I can't speak. I raise my hand to his face. He holds my hand and whispers words I never thought I would hear. I hear him as everything fades…

I love you

_Bleed,  
I bleed,  
And I breathe,  
I breathe,  
I breathe-  
I breathe no more._


	7. Before the Dawn

AN- Damon's point of view. Fair Warning- I cried writing this.

_Meet me after dark again and I'll hold you  
I am nothing more than to see you there  
And maybe tonight, we'll fly so far away  
We'll be lost before the dawn_

She is gone. I couldn't save her; the only person I ever truly loved is gone. Stefan thinks that I walk aimlessly through Florence each night. He's wrong, I know where I am going… to her. Everywhere we went, I can see her, and hear her, Erin.

__

If only night can hold you where I can see you, my love  
Then let me never ever wake again  
And maybe tonight, we'll fly so far away  
We'll be lost before the dawn.

I walk into her room, and half expect to see her walk out of her bathroom. If I concentrate I can still catch the scent of her. That elusive and mildly spicy scent that seduces without trying. I remember the feel of her as we danced, or as we walked down the streets. I used to tease her about her Italian. Her accent was off, she never minded though; she always made me laugh.

__

Somehow I know that we can't wake again from this dream,  
It's not real, but it's ours.

As I walk down these familiar streets I can see you. You laughed at that resturaunt, and I bought you flowers from that vendor. I bought flowers from the same vendor today. I didn't know why at first. Then it hit me: I am coming home. I never come home without flowers for her.

__

Maybe tonight, we'll fly so far away,  
We'll be lost before the dawn.

The angel looks like you. I guess that is why I chose her. She smiles at me as I sit next to her. The roses on the fresh dirt stand out, just like she did. She was a white rose amid the dirt that was the rest of us. Ironic, she is gone and now I am being poetic. The sun is beginning to rise; Erin used to love to watch the sun rise.

__

Maybe tonight, we'll fly so far away,  
We'll be lost before the dawn.

Stefan watched as Elena laid the red roses on the grave. She laid them next to the white ones, '_Must be from Damon_' he mused. He tried to reach his brother mentally, but felt nothing. Stefan took Elena's hand turning to leave, when something caught his attention. He turned to study the fresh grave and saw it again, the glitter of a ring. He stooped to brush aside the dirt and… ash. Stefan stared at the ring as a single tear rolled down his cheek. He wiped it away and picked up the ring. Stefan placed it on top of the smooth marble. Stefan looked out at the setting sun. For a moment, he could've sworn that in the midst of those swirling colors he saw a woman throw herself into the arms of a man. He whispered something before wrapping his arm around Elena and leaving.

__

"Andare a lei, mio fratello. E dove c'erano due, adesso un, unito nell'amore."

Italian translation:

__

Andare a lei, mio fratello. E dove c'erano due, adesso un, unito nell'amore.

Go to her, my brother. And where there were two, now one, united in love.


End file.
